Digital Chaos Media

How do you simplify success at work? How does one keep the boss happy while keeping one’s self happy? These are age-old questions that all employees struggle with day in & day out.  It doesn’t matter what you do, if you are not self-employed you have a boss. In the rarest of occasions you might find a gem, who appreciates you for the hard work, long nights and insufficient pay that you tolerate constantly. If you fit into this group, please let me know, because I’m always looking for a career change.  To the rest of you, whose jobs suck harder than Craig Sager’s fashion taste*, Bobby is here to give you the rundown on what you can do start doing tomorrow that should (over time) reshape how you approach work and enhance your image in the ‘ole boss’ eyes.  I will lay down 8 simple ground rules to start following, so get to reading. Remember, work is a game; it most certainly can be won or lost depending on how you play, meaning it requires strategic and tactical thought. So come on and listen to Bobby… be a winner:

1) Dress for success: I know this sounds simple, but first impressions are really important.  Any time you can be the best dressed cat in the room, you are setting yourself up for success. All other things being equal, does your boss want to work with the guy in sweatpants and a hat or someone in some crisp slacks and an ironed Canali shirt? ‘Nuff said. (One note here, if you look messy now, that’s all for the better, nothing makes the ‘powers that be’ think that you care like an image change. For example, I rolled into my most recent project with a shaggy beard and long (like longest I’ve ever had) hair. A week into the project I came in with the ‘ole high and tight and a shaved face, and it was like the consulting Jesus had entered the building. One partner even went as far as to say, “Changing your appearance like that really shows your commitment to the project, great decision.” The key here was I really played up how sad I was to lose my hair, which did kind of suck, oh well…

2) Obscure the truth (Omission & redirection): Maybe this one sounds a bit questionable, but believe me, in the working world, people are 50% full of crap 100% of the time (that is probably an understatement). So get off of your high horse and think about all of the times you have been thrown under the bus by your coworkers or bosses for shit that was most certainly not your fault (or at least not entirely). When someone lays the blame squarely on your shoulders even though it was a combined failure, he is omitting his own participation in the failure and redirecting attention toward you. You can use these same tactics in other situations as well, for example, if you couldn’t get something done, and your boss asks about it, don’t come out and tell him that sh*t’s not done, focus on the stuff that is done and all of the work you are about to do, explain that you felt those were of the highest priority. Most of the time you boss is more concerned that you are working towards your goal, rather than executing specific tasks in specific order. If you keep him guessing you can usually buy yourself enough time to get whatever it is done before he realizes.

3) Carry a notebook and a pen: This one is easy, no matter where you go, carry a notebook. People will never question what you are doing if you have a notebook, you could be going to get food, to have a coffee or to pass out in the bathroom, it really doesn’t matter, the notebook makes it look like you have a purpose and people with a purpose look important. It might not hurt to write a few things down around people who think they are important, maybe even ask them to repeat something they are particularly excited about. This will draw attention towards the notebook and note taking is a sign of diligence, interest and respect. So go out and get one that’s real nice-like, at minimum a Moleskin, though I would recommend something leather (or more likely pleather) bound that’s the fire.

4) U.P.O.D.: For those of you who have not seen this acronym before, it stands for, “under-promise and over-deliver,” and it means, never (eva, eva, eva) tell anyone that you are going to do more work than you’re a capable of reasonably completing, in fact do the exact opposite. Let’s take an example from the life of Bobby: As is mentioned in my bio, I’m a consultant, in its simplest terms, my job requires me to fly to some random location Monday morning, lead a project to fix stuff, and fly back on Thursday night. I am expected to work on Fridays, but from home, however, I don’t like working on Fridays. So what do I do? Well it’s simple, I hold back about a quarter of all output I do every day, so when Friday comes around, I have a whole days work just sitting on my laptop waiting to be sent out. I send the work out incrementally over the day, participate in whatever conference calls I have and play Halo the rest of the day rather than working (I know, I’m a genius).

5) Be seen as a team player: No one likes a glory hog, someone who toots their own horn or a suck up. Your coworkers talk to each other and your bosses, so make sure they are saying good things. Any opportunity to help a coworker and be recognized for it should be seized. This way not only will the coworker be happy, but your boss will be impressed. Also, don’t be afraid to ask for help. If you’ve given someone aid in the past you would be surprised how willing they are to hook you up in a pinch. Always remember, ‘A rising tide lifts all ships’ (if that doesn’t make sense maybe Vigga can ‘splane” it to you, cause I’m not gonna).

6) Walk purposefully: No matter where you are going, walk briskly. If your boss (or anyone for that matter) sees you moving quickly (especially if you have a baller notebook), they will assume that you have a ton of stuff going on. This will eliminate them stopping you in the hall to pile more on your plate and it will make everyone around you think that you are a rock star of a worker. (If your boss does stop you, make sure you write what they say down and talk about how you should prioritize it - this makes it seem like you know what the hell you’ve got going on).

7) Feign stress: If you are stressed at work that sucks, you shouldn’t be unless you own the company (Bobby’s anti-stress techniques will have to wait for another day). Anyway, if you look stressed, you boss will immediately assume you have a lot on your plate. When he asks you about this (I assure you he will), be prepared to spit off a laundry list of sh*t you’ve got going on (I don’t care who your boss is, they don’t want you to quit, and if they think you are unbalanced, their first thought will likely be that you are working your ass off and there is just not enough time in the day to get shit done - if that’s not the case, you better make them believe it is). This should help lighten your work load. Always remember, don’t make shit up unless your boss is clueless, but feel free to exaggerate a bit (see point #2).

8) Make your boss look good: This is probably the single most important thing you can do at work to get ahead. It will make up for so many sins I swear you will sh*t a brick. For example if your boss f*cks something up and his bosses call him out in your presence, take responsibility at least partially (as long as it’s believable). The main reason for this is he will be in your debt, and most likely you won’t have a ton of interaction with his superiors so who gives a sh*t if they think you are a clown. (Note: if your boss really is an idiot, don’t do this; only, and I mean ONLY tie your fate to your boss if you see him as someone with a future at the company. If he’s a fool or destined to be canned, bag on him at appropriate times with his superiors (it will be fun)).

In closing I would like to quote a man who I had very little interaction with before he left my company, however, whether he knows it or not, my limited time with him may still be the most valued I have had. He was a partner (as senior as you get) and he was about as smart as they come…

One night, our team was in the middle of nowhere about an hour drive outside of Cleveland, Ohio. We were just getting killed on this project and our final deliverable (presentation) was due the next day. Everyone from top to bottom pulling 18 hour days for weeks and at about 3:00 AM we finally wrapped the thing up and only had the printing left to do. It was at this time that everyone looked at me (the most junior guy on the team) and decided that printing was a one man job, so the aforementioned partner approached me (knowing full well that I knew what was coming) and asked me to print 20 color copies of a document that was well over 100 pages.

“Now, now, Bobby” you may be thinking, “that’s no big deal; you can just run over to the local 24 hour Kinkos and crank those babies out.” If only, my friends, if only. As I said before, we were in the middle of nowhere: no Kinkos, no Copy Cop, nothing but gas stations and truck stops within 10 miles. So I was left to print 20 copies to one color printer at 3:00 am (it took me 4 hours!). “This sucks man,” was my response to the partner. He looked at me totally unsurprised, smiled, then said a phrase I will never forget, “Rob, it’s times like these where you need to embrace the suck.”

In over two years of exposure to the working world, I have yet to receive better advice. It has applied to my life more times than I can remember. It’s so beautiful in its simplicity; when you know something is going to suck, own it, embrace it, hell even relish in it. Why? Because, pretending that sh*tty tasks are interesting, thought provoking, what-have-you, is just plain foolish (plus people will think you are crazy if you get excited for the most foul sh*t they can think up). So from now on, every time you get a crap task you should smile and think of ‘ole Bobby, then look your boss square in the face and say, “no problem.”

Work sucks no matter how you slice it, so “embrace the chaos.”

~Bobby Digital 2.0

*Note to readers: I’m just kidding about Sager’s suits, on many occasions his suit has been the highlight of a given sporting event for me.  I don’t know if you could ask for a sports analyst that brings more to the table.  For more on Sager, look to our friends over at Bulletproof Sombrero.